Friday, June 24, 2011

Draft Day Thoughts—Buchanan’s Inner Monologue

David Stern’s new plan to let fans get closer to the game is to take you inside the minds of some of the game’s brightest...

8:45am EST: It's good to be back at Madison Square Garden.  Gosh, it's 8:45, you would think they would have set up for the draft by now.  Maybe it will be set up in what they call a New York Minute?  In a New York Minute, ooh ooh ooh.  Man that's a good song.

8:49am EST: Tonight is the night Mr. Allen calls me and officially ordains me General Manager... I just know it's going to happen.  I am wearing my lucky red Blazers shirt under this stupid suit.  I look like I am at my high school graduation all over again.  Class of '08 what!? What!?   O.M.G. He is calling me right now.  It's Happening!!  It's happening!!... Oh no... Oh no...  

8:51am EST: Why won't this cab go any faster!!  Come on Bro!  How hard is it to get to JFK?    Please. Go. Faster.  Mr. Allen won't mind if I expense a chartered flight back to Portland, right?  It's for business purposes.  "Smart thinking, Chaddy my boy" he'll say, "thanks chief" I'll say.  

(editor's note: for the next five and a half hours Mr. Buchanan just read Sky Mall and played his Nintendo DS.  For the record, it is virtually impossible to record any brain function under these circumstances)

4:40pm PST:  I cannot believe I made it.  Ok, David Stern is announcing the first pick right now... And... What!?!?!  Cleveland took Kyrie Irving!  You have got to be kidding me!  Ok.  It's ok.  I'm fine as long as Minnesota doesn't take Derrick Williams.  

4:45pm:  I'm screwed.  

4:52pm:  Why, Utah?!?

5:03pm:  It's fine.  I'm fine.  It's ok.  Think Chad think.  What would Kevin Pritchard do?  I got it!  Kevin Pritchard would make a trade.  Ok.  Let me just Google “how… to… make a… trade…”… Dammit!  No, I don’t want to invest!  This is so hard!  

5:37pm:  In a New York Minute, ooh ooh ooh, anything can change.  

5:47pm:  Ok, let's make a trade.  Why don't I just open up this roster and see who we have to trade.  A, A, A...Andre Miller.  I really feel bad trading Dre.  Maybe we should send him some place close.  Seattle is gone.  Boise is D-League.  D, D, Denver!!  Wow!  This is actually way easy.  Who can I get for Andre?  A-Andre to D-Denver...E, no, F, Felton.  G for guard and I for I am a genius. 

6:15pm: Is Rudy better looking than I am?  Should I ask Mr. Allen?  What If I traded him?  Boom, Shot out of a Buchanan!!  You.  Are.  On.  Fire.

6:45pm:  Trade’s officially done.  Now I will just wait for Mr. Allen to call and offer me the GM job… In a New York Minute.  Ooh ooh ooh…


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