Saturday, July 9, 2011

What Happened to LMA’s Right Hand?*

*In no way is this actually real news
Two days ago, LaMarcus Aldridge reported on Twitter (which Blazer’s Edge subsequently posted) that he “might be left handed by the end of the summer!”  Initial commentary by fans and analysts indicate they assume LMA’s statement refers to him becoming ambidextrous.  However, since this pronouncement, no video has been seen of Aldridge.  Aldridge, a self-proclaimed optimist, is believed to have spun his dire situation to deflect the truth behind his predicament: he lost his right hand.

According to a close friend of Willie Lyle, Aldridge was seen in Texas attempting to hoist jumpers from 18 feet, his bread and butter.  Unfortunately, the closest he got to the hoop was on an attempt that hit the top of the backboard, ricocheted straight into the air, and landed on the front of the rim before bouncing off.  In other words, LMA has forgotten how to use his right hand.  There were no visible injuries to his right hand or arm; instead, it appeared as though an uncoordinated, zealous fantasy sports geek overtook LMA’s body.  With his surgical mind, Aldridge could not figure out the mechanics of a right handed jump shot.  After hours of frustration, Aldridge switched to his left hand where he was able to semi-consistently hit jumpers and make post shots.

Let’s hope LMA can rediscover his right hand before the season begins and actually become ambidextrous.


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